Lately I have been feeling dissapointed in people that I always believed were there for me, I think this is a part of life. A natural part of life. Tragically, as humans we tend to overanalyze almost everything. Analyzing can look like a number of different scenarios. One that it falls hand in hand with, is expectation. After making an analysis of a person or situation, we then place expectations upon him, her, or it. It is a logical process, which seems like a good thing. I see this as a fault.
I have many examples. This weekend I went home for Easter, and I was so relieved to have a weekend away from school. I would get to see my family, my friends, sleep in my own bed; it would be like having a weekend off. I had painted a mental picture of myself going home to a stress-free environment where I would have no problems. I made plans with two of my friends and my mom the week before.
However, I came home and my parents were in foul moods, my friend ended up canceling on me last minute, and the other simply refused to come see me only because he wanted stay at his own house. I felt hurt, like no one cared that I was even there. This is my last weekend home before leaving for East Asia this summer...which I thought justified my self pity.
Do not be fooled though, there is a silver lining to this sob story. Have you ever taken a class and already been taught the information being covered, but couldn't remember it? So it completely takes away the point of learning that information in the original class. What good is learning if you cannot what you have learned? I do have a claim to make about my ranting, and it is this; committing things to memory is important for growth or knowledge. This is also true for our spiritual lives.
My point is; I have been told over and over again that God is the only one who satisfies, who fulfills, and who completes each need that I have. Although I have heard this so many times, and even been convicted of its truth, I still seem to forget. I still seem build up home as thing magical place where my problems cannot reach me, my family as the people who I will always be happy with, and friends as people that I am unable to experience loneliness with.
Ephesians 1. 5-10 says "In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will --to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding. And he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment --to bring all things in heaven and on earth together under one head, ten Christ."
There are a lot of things in this passage... but when I read it, these are the words that stick out to me; adopted as sons, his pleasure and will, freely given, redemption, lavished, wisdom and understanding.
After being reminded of all the things God has FREELY given to us, I feel dumb when I search for joy or happiness anything or anyone besides Him. This reminder is always needed for me, and each time I feel low, or lonely, or defeated; this is what I remember. Each time I am reminded that Jesus is the only one who can satisfy me, I picture a light inside of me. I can reach in and touch this light, and nothing but joy comes from it. The troubles of the world are forgotten; and pure light is seen in the midst of darkness.
